Feel the Fear & Do Something. Else.

Something’s been hiding under my bed.

The space and time for me since my sleighing accident a month ago has been interesting to say the least.

There were aspects of that experience that were miraculous in nature.  Like how quickly my body responded to my thoughts of well-being, vitality, strength and resiliency.  Like how I managed to consciously choose to ‘spring back’ in speedy fashion, rather than dwell in the depths of pain and misery.  Like how when I made those choices everything in my experience showed up to support my decision.

And there were aspects of that experience that gelled in the under current for awhile.  Aspects that bubbled up slowly, with gaining intensity two weeks after the sleighing fun gone awry.

Feeling the Fear

I’m referring to FEAR here.  Suddenly it was as if every ‘monster under the bed’ had been unleashed and my world was seemingly turning into a scary movie right before my very eyes.

I felt akin to a crazy person during this time.

If you know me, I like crazy…but crazy in a good way…crazy in a leading edge, this feels good, loving the experience of awesomeness in life kind of crazy.

This was a different kind of crazy.  I felt as if someone had hacked my system, as if someone had taken over my being-ness.  It didn’t feel good. I didn’t like it.  And the more I didn’t like it, the stronger it seemed to get.  (Go figure.  Lesson #1: What we give power to, manifests.)

Feel the Fear

I felt afraid of living.  It started out that I was just feeling intensely afraid to go to the barn to be with my horsey girl and the other horses there.  I was deathly afraid to ride…and even being on the ground with her made me edgy.  (Not at all fair to her, made her plenty edgy too…but that’s for another post.)
The fear seemed to seep into everything I did.  Day or night.  My usual bubbly, confident, JOYful self had withered into a soppy mess of feeling small, unworthy and pitiful.

The craziest part of all is that I was fully aware of ALL of this while it was happening!
I could see (and feel) myself going through this as if watching from an out-of-body place.  And the Joy of Brilliance part of me…my most aligned, gloriously in the vortex self watched with patient curiosity.  Never judging.  Just observing.  And waiting.  Knowing that I’d make the turn and come right round eventually.

The Fight

Then there was this other part of me that reared up from within.  The part of me that still ‘shoulds’ on me from time to time.

This part of me kept saying things like, “What is your problem?  Snap out of it.  You ‘should’ know better than this.  This fear isn’t even real.  This fear is illusion.  You’ve been through worse.  What is your deal, anyway? FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.  Haven’t you learned anything?!?”

Ouch; thanks for beating myself up for no good reason is what I think about that!

But the inner dialog continued.  Until, like a pimple coming to a head that just suddenly bursts, I felt the release oozing from within and turned the corner to my greater well-being…which was now an ever-expanded-better-than-ever version of well-being due to the enormous contrast I gave myself. (Sorry for the graphic nature of that metaphor, somehow it’s just really right on.)

The shift came after days and days of doing my best to sort it all out…to just get over it…I kept feeling like I just needed to get over it.

The shift came after days and days of me haunting myself with the saying, Face the fear and do it anyway.  I tried.  I tried facing my fear and doing it any way.  Whether ‘it’ was riding my horse or anything else that was evoking the feeling of fear within me right then…  It didn’t feel good.  And I KNOW that’s not the path to ANY thing.  If it doesn’t feel good it’s an immediate flashing indicator that I’m pointing in the wrong direction.

The Shift

The shift came when I decided to soften, to let go.  I decided to let go of the need to NOT feel the fear.  I decided that I was just going to feel it.  And importantly, I decided I was not going to push feeling it more.  I was just going to relax with the what-is-ness of it all.  I was done with resistance.  I surrendered.

Funny part is, I thought I *was* doing this already.  But, I guess I wasn’t.  I was tapping the vein, but there was so much resistance, I couldn’t flow.  I was blocked.  Moving in resistance is like moving through quick sand…up, out and forward is challenging at best.

As soon as I truly surrendered and let go, I felt this rush of relief.  My entire body softened.  My regular breathing returned.  And pain that had stealthily crept back into my body magically melted away.

I still felt some fear. But, I knew I was now headed in the direction of my greater alignment…and I could feel my world returning.

I gave myself permission to do something else if I didn’t feel good…if I didn’t like what I was doing ‘cause I was feeling fear around it.

I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.  I have a new appreciation for fear. I have a new appreciation of my understanding of fear in my experience, what it is and how I am now better equipped to deal with it, by simply acknowledging it and finding a better feeling place.

What did I learn?

• I learned that feeling good is always, no matter what, the best indicator and the best direction to move in.
  • (Knew that.  Apparently there was another level of knowing it available!)
• I learned that feeling the fear and doing it anyway is complete do-do.
  • (Haha!  Double meaning there.  I meant do-do as in poo.  And now, I see do-do as in the doing of something that is action without alignment!  LOVE that!)

As is often the case, I was on the road to feeling better when I discovered two Abraham videos I had never heard before.  (Probably because fear is not something I usually ‘search’ for.  We get what we need when we need it.  I needed this.  Thanks Abraham!!!)

If you haven’t heard these tracks, I highly recommend them.  If you’re here reading this, there’s something here for you!  (Watch the videos below)

Here are a few of my favorite stand-out quotes from the 2 part Abraham tracks on Fear, Mexico Cruise 2010:

“Fear is not a representation of something to come.  Nor is it a warning bell that is saying to you, watch out, something that you do not want to happen is about to happen.  What FEAR IS is THE SENSATION YOU GET WHEN YOU FOCUS IN OPPOSITION TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.”

“I appreciate my fear, as I appreciate all negative emotion; because it’s an indication of two things…  It’s an indication that what I want is moving very fast in the opposite direction of what I’m thinking right now…  and it’s an indication of the power of my desire.”

“If you sit on a park bench and you have a fear come over you, and you think there may be a monster in the bushes…whether there’s a monster there or not, get off the bench.  In other words, don’t sit there.  Don’t ever endure fear.  Do something…do anything you can do to give yourself ease.  In other words, there’s no value in “overcoming fear”.  What you want to do is come into alignment with the energy that is the opposite of the thought you’re thinking that has produced the fear.”

Are there any monsters hiding beneath your bed?
How do you handle fear?
Have you trained yourself to feel the fear and do it anyway?
Tell me about it…!

Abraham on Fear, Part 1

Abraham on Fear, Part 2

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