The space and time for me since my sleighing accident a month ago has been interesting to say the least.

There were aspects of that experience that were miraculous in nature.  Like how quickly my body responded to my thoughts of well-being, vitality, strength and resiliency.  Like how I managed to consciously choose to ‘spring back’ in speedy fashion, rather than dwell in the depths of pain and misery.  Like how when I made those choices everything in my experience showed up to support my decision.

And there were aspects of that experience that gelled in the under current for awhile.  Aspects that bubbled up slowly, with gaining intensity two weeks after the sleighing fun gone awry.

Feeling the Fear

I’m referring to FEAR here.  Suddenly it was as if every ‘monster under the bed’ had been unleashed and my world was seemingly turning into a scary movie right before my very eyes.

I felt akin to a crazy person during this time.

If you know me, I like crazy…but crazy in a good way…crazy in a leading edge, this feels good, loving the experience of awesomeness in life kind of crazy.

This was a different kind of crazy.  I felt as if someone had hacked my system, as if someone had taken over my being-ness.  It didn’t feel good. I didn’t like it.  And the more I didn’t like it, the stronger it seemed to get.  (Go figure.  Lesson #1: What we give power to, manifests.)

Feel the Fear

I felt afraid of living.  It started out that I was just feeling intensely afraid to go to the barn to be with my horsey girl and the other horses there.  I was deathly afraid to ride…and even being on the ground with her made me edgy.  (Not at all fair to her, made her plenty edgy too…but that’s for another post.)
The fear seemed to seep into everything I did.  Day or night.  My usual bubbly, confident, JOYful self had withered into a soppy mess of feeling small, unworthy and pitiful.

The craziest part of all is that I was fully aware of ALL of this while it was happening!
I could see (and feel) myself going through this as if watching from an out-of-body place.  And the Joy of Brilliance part of me…my most aligned, gloriously in the vortex self watched with patient curiosity.  Never judging.  Just observing.  And waiting.  Knowing that I’d make the turn and come right round eventually.

The Fight

Then there was this other part of me that reared up from within.  The part of me that still ‘shoulds’ on me from time to time.

This part of me kept saying things like, “What is your problem?  Snap out of it.  You ‘should’ know better than this.  This fear isn’t even real.  This fear is illusion.  You’ve been through worse.  What is your deal, anyway? FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.  Haven’t you learned anything?!?”

Ouch; thanks for beating myself up for no good reason is what I think about that!

But the inner dialog continued.  Until, like a pimple coming to a head that just suddenly bursts, I felt the release oozing from within and turned the corner to my greater well-being…which was now an ever-expanded-better-than-ever version of well-being due to the enormous contrast I gave myself. (Sorry for the graphic nature of that metaphor, somehow it’s just really right on.)

The shift came after days and days of doing my best to sort it all out…to just get over it…I kept feeling like I just needed to get over it.

The shift came after days and days of me haunting myself with the saying, Face the fear and do it anyway.  I tried.  I tried facing my fear and doing it any way.  Whether ‘it’ was riding my horse or anything else that was evoking the feeling of fear within me right then…  It didn’t feel good.  And I KNOW that’s not the path to ANY thing.  If it doesn’t feel good it’s an immediate flashing indicator that I’m pointing in the wrong direction.

The Shift

The shift came when I decided to soften, to let go.  I decided to let go of the need to NOT feel the fear.  I decided that I was just going to feel it.  And importantly, I decided I was not going to push feeling it more.  I was just going to relax with the what-is-ness of it all.  I was done with resistance.  I surrendered.

Funny part is, I thought I *was* doing this already.  But, I guess I wasn’t.  I was tapping the vein, but there was so much resistance, I couldn’t flow.  I was blocked.  Moving in resistance is like moving through quick sand…up, out and forward is challenging at best.

As soon as I truly surrendered and let go, I felt this rush of relief.  My entire body softened.  My regular breathing returned.  And pain that had stealthily crept back into my body magically melted away.

I still felt some fear. But, I knew I was now headed in the direction of my greater alignment…and I could feel my world returning.

I gave myself permission to do something else if I didn’t feel good…if I didn’t like what I was doing ‘cause I was feeling fear around it.

I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.  I have a new appreciation for fear. I have a new appreciation of my understanding of fear in my experience, what it is and how I am now better equipped to deal with it, by simply acknowledging it and finding a better feeling place.

What did I learn?

• I learned that feeling good is always, no matter what, the best indicator and the best direction to move in.
  • (Knew that.  Apparently there was another level of knowing it available!)
• I learned that feeling the fear and doing it anyway is complete do-do.
  • (Haha!  Double meaning there.  I meant do-do as in poo.  And now, I see do-do as in the doing of something that is action without alignment!  LOVE that!)

As is often the case, I was on the road to feeling better when I discovered two Abraham videos I had never heard before.  (Probably because fear is not something I usually ‘search’ for.  We get what we need when we need it.  I needed this.  Thanks Abraham!!!)

If you haven’t heard these tracks, I highly recommend them.  If you’re here reading this, there’s something here for you!  (Watch the videos below)

Here are a few of my favorite stand-out quotes from the 2 part Abraham tracks on Fear, Mexico Cruise 2010:

“Fear is not a representation of something to come.  Nor is it a warning bell that is saying to you, watch out, something that you do not want to happen is about to happen.  What FEAR IS is THE SENSATION YOU GET WHEN YOU FOCUS IN OPPOSITION TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.”

“I appreciate my fear, as I appreciate all negative emotion; because it’s an indication of two things…  It’s an indication that what I want is moving very fast in the opposite direction of what I’m thinking right now…  and it’s an indication of the power of my desire.”

“If you sit on a park bench and you have a fear come over you, and you think there may be a monster in the bushes…whether there’s a monster there or not, get off the bench.  In other words, don’t sit there.  Don’t ever endure fear.  Do something…do anything you can do to give yourself ease.  In other words, there’s no value in “overcoming fear”.  What you want to do is come into alignment with the energy that is the opposite of the thought you’re thinking that has produced the fear.”

Are there any monsters hiding beneath your bed?
How do you handle fear?
Have you trained yourself to feel the fear and do it anyway?
Tell me about it…!

Abraham on Fear, Part 1

Abraham on Fear, Part 2

Photo Credit

Self Love in the purest, more reverent sense is the greatest gift we could ever give ourselves.  In turn, it is also the greatest gift we could give another.

By loving ourselves unconditionally, we heighten our capacity for love in general.  By loving ourselves we are tapped in to our true nature and therefore in access to our greatest authentic power.

Communicating with others from this space of Authentic Power steeped in Self Love is magical.

Sphere of Receptivity~

By focusing first on our self love and then radiating outward, we create an authentic sphere of receptivity for communication to flow through.

When in this space of Self Love related to Authentic Power, we recognize that we have no desire to control another.  Our only wish is that each person finds the deep peace associated with their own relationship with Self.

How the communication is received is not up to you.  It is up to the receiver.  Your only ‘job’ is to come from your inner love and relate from a position of good intention without agenda, without attachment to the outcome.

We can tell the difference between being in our Authentic Power and coming from our Inauthentic Power in two ways:

• how we’re feeling emotionally while communicating
• if we’re feeling attached to the outcome, or not

If the emotion that is flowing feels good, is based in unconditional love, peace, harmony and understanding then you can be sure that you are coming from your Authentic Power.

If the emotion that is flowing is steeped in feelings of anger, frustration, fear and/or judgement you can use caution, recognizing that it’s more likely to be coming from an Inauthentic place when the emotional energy is charged in this way.

The flow of emotion is an ever changing stream of consciousness. At times calm and placid, other times like raging rapids.  In addition, this flow can shift and change at the blink of an eye.

As we commit to bringing our awareness to our emotional flow, we engage another level of our Authentic Power.  We are aware of the shifts and therefore aware of our level of authenticity.

Feeling Powerless?

When I look at the path I’ve journeyed over the years relative to being in my own authentic power I can clearly see the relationship between my journey to self love and my ability to be in my power.  I can see plenty of stops along the path where I felt powerless…and in those moments I was also OUT of love with myself.

Being powerless is a close friend of self-doubt, self-sabotage, self-neglect, self-hate.  Period.  No one can render you powerless but yourself.  Just as no one can give you power but yourself.

An Inside Job~

It’s an inside job.  It always is.  As soon as we externalize *anything* we’re at risk of giving our power away.  Again, when this happens it’s of our own choosing.  Nothing has been taken away.

The inside job here is all about loving and honoring your most Brilliant Source Self and allowing the expansion of that Source Self to fill you up from the inside out.

When we allow our True Nature Self to expand into the fullness of our being-ness we are free.  We feel such joy and elation.  Nothing can stop us.

We are unstoppable in our flow of power in grace and ease.

Being the ‘Look-Out’~

When in conversation or communication that matters to us, it’s our responsibility to bring awareness to where our communication is flowing from.  It’s responsible of us to be our own look-out, our own watch-guard to where our energy is flowing from.

When in conversation we begin to recognize that our emotional barometer has switched from love to fear, we draw ourselves in, call ourselves on it and proceed only when we are back in a centered, loving, peaceful place.

Just imagine how different the world would be if we could self-manage our energy in this way.  And of course we can.  …do we?  That’s the question.

War would be an unknown if each of us committed to this practice, this awareness.  What a commitment this is…and will be to those we love in our near and dear daily lives, as well as to our global family.

When we recognize that it’s only about us, as the individual…that no one else imposes anything on us; it offers a deep sense of comfort and freedom; as well as responsibility–one that we willingly accept because it’s just too important not to.

Calling all Captains~

Accepting this responsibility means we realize that we are truly the captain of our own ship.  We realize that we are in charge of our feelings, our thoughts, and our actions.  We realize that everything we do, say, and be…is a choice.  Everything.

Most of all, we recognize that true power = love…better yet, Love = Power

…and it all starts on the inside. Inside of you.  Inside of me.  …how beautiful when it radiates outward!! LOVE POWER

That’s the only kind of power I’m interested in.  How about you?

Photo Credit

A couple days ago I had one of those days when I really had to consider if the best option would have been to stay in bed.  Way, way under the covers.

I haven’t had one of those in a long, long time.  From the moment I woke up I knew something was off.  I slept great the night before; which is a bonus because sleep time has been filled with all sorts of interesting ‘stuff’ for me lately.  (That’s another post, entirely.)  When I woke up, even though I slept a sound, restful eight hours, I felt so drained and tired; like I hadn’t slept at all.  Physically my body felt weak; not like when you have the flu, just spent.

As I got up and started moving around I also noticed something fairly unfamiliar to me these days.  I was GROUCHY, grumpy, feeling volatile…even combustible, like if anything were to ‘push the proverbial button’ I may just explode!  This isn’t like me.  Remember?  I’m Miss Happy Pants.  I might have waves of yuck flow through; this was different.  It felt sticky.  Heavy.  It didn’t feel like I could just shake it off; though I would certainly give that a fair shot!

Freeze Frame ~ Reframe

I decided I would do my best to reframe.  I followed my morning rituals for self-care.  Water blessing, gratitude time while drinking my water, green drink, and other feel good, supportive ingestables.

Exercise.  That would take care of it.  Nothing like some exercise to shift the energy, get some endorphins flowing, blood pumping, heart space activated, etc.  Apparently that wasn’t the best plan.  While it felt good at first and I thought I was on my way back to myself; suddenly I started feeling dizzy, faint.  I stopped and tried to regain myself.  And then continued…switching gears a bit to weight training rather than rebounding.  It happened again.  This was strange.  I made my way to a chair where I could just be with it…and not have to worry I was going to crash to the floor.  It took what felt like forever to come out of it.

When the woozies were gone I felt even more tired than before and still just as cranky.  I just plain felt as though a tsunami came rushing in without warning nearly claiming my mere existence, leaving me empty, hollow and mostly unresponsive.

There was nothing concrete to base this situation on.  There had been nothing to provoke this shift; nothing.  Seemingly nothing internally nor externally to cause such a wave of dissonance to wash over me.

You can do it!

Normally I could coach myself through an episode like this.  I’ve got all the tools.  I own what I know; walk the talk, practice what I preach…and in this case nothing seemed to be moving me through it.

Even just giving myself to it; lessening the resistance, would normally ease my way into relief.  Not this time.  So, I sat with it, laid with it, read with it, ate with it…and did my best to just BE with it.  By evening time the worst of it was starting to lift, like a dense fog evaporating slowly to reveal the light.

I slept well that night and the next day I felt *almost* normal.  I say almost because still today, two days later I continue to have a foggy brain and an uncertainty around my flow that I didn’t have a few days ago.  The momentum I felt before this ‘energetic storm’ has all but stopped.  The sense of purpose and direction I was moving in feels at a stand still, if not slightly askew.

Looks as if…

I recognize this is all a “looks as if”.  This too shall pass.  All storms do.  There’s always a silver lining and the pot of gold at the end of the glorious rainbow.  Until then.  I’ll be here.  And I’ll be OK.  I am OK.  (See?  That’s better already!  Lessen the resistance, bring on the relief.)

The fact that I’m able to write this is proof positive that storms come and they go.  The better we can equip ourselves to weather such storms, the better chance we have of coming out unscathed once we unbutton the hatches.

We are in times of great change.  This is not new news.  With all that’s shifting in the world, knowing that everything is energy, knowing that we are all connected, is it really too much to wonder that there would be waves like this?

Forecast:

Chance of precipitation likely over the next 24 hours (a good cry releases tension and allows space for the new, very cleansing)  The outlook is for sunny, brighter days ahead.  Ever increasing probability of clarity with major bursts of resonance and deep connection, accentuated by waves of deep insight.

Air Quality:

Fresh.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Expand.  Allow.

Debra’s How to Weather an Energetic Storm Checklist:

(*HINT* These work great for everyday use as well!)

• Drink plenty of Good Hado Water
• Eat clean, organic, healthy (omit any processed, refined, etc. foods)
• Stretch, practice gentle yoga, breathe
• Rest/Sleep
• Honor/Acknowledge/Allow the feelings you’re having
• Bach Rescue Remedy Flower Essence
• Young Living ‘Peace & Calming’ Essential Oil Blend
• Listening to Abraham (nothing like a little Abraham to align, flow gently into resonance)
• Listening to calming/centering music (I love Snatam Kaur in these times)
• Journal/Blog (write a post about how you’re feeling!)
• Cancel any outside commitments that don’t support or align with your current needs
• Be gentle with yourself

Weathered any energetic or emotional storms lately?

Tsunami Photo Credit
Rainbow Photo Credit